Why I Failed the First Time

Other than the fact that my post is a total TWSS, I thought it was about time I explain the title and subtitle of my blog.

I went to college directly after high school, just like most people are doing these days, and I was all excited about starting something new and being part of something different. I wanted to learn. I wanted to sing with an amazing director and choir. I wanted a new start. Perhaps part of the problem was that I didn't go far enough away from home... but I digress.
I lasted two years. At the beginning of every semester I was fine. I studied.. kind of, I did my homework... for the most part, I sang my heart out in choir and I showed up to class. Not even halfway through every semester, I started ditching classes, ignoring homework, and forgot about studying. I couldn't wake up in the morning, and would lie lethargically on my couch/bed and stare at the TV for hours and hours. I didn't take care of myself, my room was disgustingly messy, I made up excuses for myself and I almost gave up completely. I should have known that something was terribly wrong when I couldn't even get up to go to choir, my true love. I left my first college with a GPA of 1.8.

I found out three years after I dropped out of college that I had Lyme disease. By the way, it's Lyme not Lymes.. just fyi. I also found out I was allergic to gluten (wheat). Gluten is nothing compared to Lyme though. Lyme almost killed my mother, on more than one occasion, it made one sister so sick she had to do homeschooling, it made the other sister so sick that her boyfriend couldn't even deal with her and dumped her because of it, and it just pissed me off royally. When I found out I had it, my first fear was the fear of having to swallow pills and possibly to have a PIC or central line put in. #1. I don't do pills. I HATE pills. (I work in a pharmacy btw, which isn't ironic at all.) #2. I don't think I could take care of myself sufficiently if I had a PIC line put into my body whether it be in my chest or in my arm. That's just scary. My second thought when I found out I had Lyme was "Oh, well that explains a lot..." My doctor explained that I had probably had Lyme for the better of five to seven years. She also explained that I had a co-infection called Babesia which acts like Malaria, which explained a lot of the constant fatigue. She said that being allergic to gluten and not knowing it made it worse. Eating gluten also added to the fatigue.

After going on meds for the better half of a year, I noticed a great improvement in energy and overall feeling. I couldn't remember the last time I had that much energy. I lost close to 30 pounds when I was on meds and since I wasn't eating gluten anymore, it stayed off.
Luckily for me, I met a nice lady through the Lyme disease support group in our area and I was feeling so much better that she actually helped me get back to college. I owe her a lot.

I am now back in college for a second time, and much farther away from home :)
I met a whole new group of friends, who are amazing I might add, and I feel like I can truly be myself down here. I'm actually succeeding at college now and have managed to pull my overall GPA over 3.1 which is awesome!

That was probably too much information for one post, but whatevs, it's my blog... right?

Have a wonderful morning people, and remember that life is good :)

A 5 year old and a 50 year old in a 26 year old body

It's occurred to me over the last year that I'm not one person, and I don't know that I ever have been. My mind wanders from day to day on trivial things that shouldn't matter, but many times at night my mind reflects on the day and/or days gone by and I have this longing to be spiritual and long for peace in my heart. By the time morning comes, I've forgotten most everything from the day before, and every day starts a new cycle. I've gotten used to is I suppose, but it seems somewhat disturbing when I actually think about it.

I'm fairly certain that the trivial worries are the 5 year old in me. I'm always worried about the little things, whether it be at home, school or work. I dread going to work sometimes just because of the possibility that my boss won't be in a good mood that day. I dread going to school sometimes, especially if I skipped a day of school. And why did I skip a day of school you might ask? -because the 5 year old in me wanted to sleep in, or didn't wake up to the six or seven alarms that I have set, or just said "screw you, I don't want to go to school today!" At the same time, the 5 year old wants to have fun and loves being around people all the time and staying up late and playing games and doing whatever she wants to. This has to be the fun part of me--if indeed there is a fun part. The 5 year old laughs at all the jokes, plays video games, sits on facebook for long periods of time, collects movies, hates waking up in the morning, and falls asleep on the couch every night cause she hates her bed. The 5 year old also hates cleaning anything and procrastinates on everything and anything possible.

Now on the other side--the 50 year old needs her alone time. She likes to go to the chapel once in awhile to meditate and crys during movies. She loves tradition and can't stand change of any sort. The 50 year old gets annoyed with people in general, especially when they don't pay attention to something important. The 50 year old also hates taking care of drunk people because she finds most of them obnoxious. She is also very sentimental and holds on to documents, programs, pictures and newspaper clippings that mean a lot at the time. This of course means that the fifty year old is a pack rat. The only thing the 5 and 50 year old have in common is that they HATE getting up in the morning. The 50 year old is simply too tired to get out of bed and it hurts to move sometimes. (and yes, I realize this only gets worse as time goes on) At least the 50 year old knows that she has to get out of bed at some point to get stuff done.

Sometimes the 5 year old and 50 year old work together though, like when I compose. The 5 year old is the ridiculously creative one and the 50 year old pulls all of that creativity together and puts it on paper (or just into Sibelius). The 5 year old is the one that goes out and meets people, makes friends, has fun with them, spends money like a true Bohemian and the 50 year old is the one that takes care of her friends, pays for some of her friends who don't have any money when they go out to eat, and worries about the bills when they come. The 5 year old bought the Ipod to listen to music and play games, while the 50 year old bought the Ipod to listen to music and buy applications that would help keep her life in order, especially with the horrible memory skills.

Besides the fact that I'm not quite as bad as Robert Schumann--yet, the real question is-- how does the 26 year old deal with all of this?!

How to Make a Friend

People all make friends in different ways, and mostly without thinking about it. There are several techniques used when making a friend, but once again most people don't think about that aspect.

I've debated with my friends about this on several occasions because of how opposite we work in this department. One of my best friends explained to me the process someone has to go through in order to get to the "friend" status.
#1 person must have strong and dynamic personality
#2 person has to be able to hold their own in a group setting
#3 person must prove themselves (which apparently is determined by my friend)

After hearing this, my jaw had to be removed from the floor. I was appalled! My friend explained to me that this was his method of not getting hurt in the long run and not having to deal with "fair weather" friends.

I thought about it for awhile and figured out my own technique to making a friend :
#1 approach stranger by myself or through friend and say "hi" and carry on conversation
(optional)#2 look up on facebook and "friend" them
#3 hang out with them in large or small group setting
#4 be friends?

I'm fairly certain that I consider someone a friend after step #1.

It was just weird to hear that people actually think about how they make friends, instead of worrying why they need a specific process to abide by to make a friend in the first place.