Yep. You heard that right. I think I just achieved the highest GPA I've had since I was a sophomore in high school. Lots of A's and one B. The one B was my one credit piano lesson. That B was totally deserved so I'm not upset about it. I suck at piano and everyone knows it... not to mention the whole not practicing consistently.
I was pleasantly surprised by the A in Forms and Analysis with Yarbs. I pretty much bombed my first test and even though I did well on the second and third test, I didn't think I had a prayer for an A. We didn't get to see the results of our final test so I guess I did alright :)
I came to USD with a 1.8 from St Thomas, but thanks to decent grades here, I've managed to raise my overall GPA to 3.16 and my USD GPA to 3.667.
Three more semesters to go!!!
Happy Panda!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Greyhounding it... in college...
Well, I've been stuck in Vermillion for a full year without a chance to truly get away for more than a day. I had planned to go out to Colorado for Christmas no matter what. I knew that it would be the perfect time to get away and I figured my sisters could come pick me up like last year. It didn't quite work out like that due to car space and timing so I decided to try the Greyhound. I've never been on a bus like that outside of touring so I knew it would be different but I had no idea what was in store for me.
The beginning wasn't too horrible. From Verm to Omaha I talked to a guy about movies and we got into a debate on whether Holiday Inn or White Christmas was made first. Then I had a three and a half hour layover in Omaha. That was a little sketchy. There were mini cockroach type creatures crawling the floor, and I was one of the only people who didn't reek of cigarettes and pot. Did I mention I was the only white person there? Granted that in itself isn't a big deal, but because I've been in Verm for so long, I forgot what diversity looked like ;)
When we boarded for Denver, the bus was full and there were about 7 people who had to stand for half the trip due to over-booking and another bus that never showed up earlier in the day.
I sat next to the only other white person on the bus. She was probably about 30 or so and looked and acted like a librarian. I think she was more freaked out about the being on the bus than I was. She pulled out a thick book and started marking it up with a highlighter, but every ten minutes, or at least every time I looked up, she was pulling out a bottle of Germ-X and massaging her hands and fingers for what seemed like eternity.
I finally made it safely to Denver and my folks picked me up.
I heard my mom talking to Ang on the phone tonight and I guess her husband won't be able to make it out here for Christmas so then I called Meggan and asked if she would be willing to make a pit stop in SoDak. She agreed to it, so now I don't have to worry about the Greyhound on the way home. Sixteen hours on a bus one way was plenty for me.
The beginning wasn't too horrible. From Verm to Omaha I talked to a guy about movies and we got into a debate on whether Holiday Inn or White Christmas was made first. Then I had a three and a half hour layover in Omaha. That was a little sketchy. There were mini cockroach type creatures crawling the floor, and I was one of the only people who didn't reek of cigarettes and pot. Did I mention I was the only white person there? Granted that in itself isn't a big deal, but because I've been in Verm for so long, I forgot what diversity looked like ;)
When we boarded for Denver, the bus was full and there were about 7 people who had to stand for half the trip due to over-booking and another bus that never showed up earlier in the day.
I sat next to the only other white person on the bus. She was probably about 30 or so and looked and acted like a librarian. I think she was more freaked out about the being on the bus than I was. She pulled out a thick book and started marking it up with a highlighter, but every ten minutes, or at least every time I looked up, she was pulling out a bottle of Germ-X and massaging her hands and fingers for what seemed like eternity.
I finally made it safely to Denver and my folks picked me up.
I heard my mom talking to Ang on the phone tonight and I guess her husband won't be able to make it out here for Christmas so then I called Meggan and asked if she would be willing to make a pit stop in SoDak. She agreed to it, so now I don't have to worry about the Greyhound on the way home. Sixteen hours on a bus one way was plenty for me.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Piano Proficiencies...in college
Well, as everyone knows, I am NOT a good piano player. However, we are required to do piano proficiencies here at school. Now I've had over 12 years of lessons starting when I was six or so, but I was forced to do it--and even though I knew it was for my own good, I hated practicing and I never amounted to much. I should also mention that while my teachers weren't too horrible when I was younger (they only slapped my knuckles a couple of times), I always learned songs-not scales. So when I started my proficiencies here, I sucked at scales. However, I made it through and passed both major and harmonic scales within the last year. For the last half of this semester I had one proficiency left--Sight Reading. This is where they through a score in front of you, like a Haydn, Handel or random score from a book and you get a minute to look at it and then you have to play it. All of the scores my professor put in front of me to practice with for the last semester were from level 2, 3, and 4 books. The score that they pulled out today must have been from a level 6 or 7 book. I sat down at the piano and glanced at the piece. The first thing I noticed was that it was in G Major and I let out a sigh of relief since the last one was in c minor. Then I glanced over the piece. I was lucky I didn't break down and cry right then and there. I briefly considered standing up and apologizing to my professors and telling them that I couldn't do this. I tried to stay calm, but as I looked for the tricky parts in the piece like I had practiced with my professor but as I looked at the piece, I saw only two measures out of approx. 25-30 that DIDN'T look tricky. Again, I freaked out but tried to stay calm. I stared at the music unable to focus and then I put my foot to the floor and tried to come up with a slow enough pace that I might be able to play the piece at without screwing up too badly.
When I figured out a pace, I looked at the bass clef and then at the treble clef and I realized there was no figured bass, no "one-line" melody, nothing. It was completely chordal. The time signature was 2/2 and instead of the bass holding some 1-4-5 pattern or something, it stayed chordal with the right hand so that both hands were playing different notes/chords on EVERY eighth note.
My hands were shaking the whole time and I missed half of the f#'s because I was busy trying to find three or four other notes.
Of course it goes without saying that I didn't pass. I made it to the bathroom before I broke down in tears and it took me about 10 minutes to pull it together enough to come out again.
That proficiency test was humiliating and embarrassing. The worst part is that it's my fault. My professors can only try to make me play better, but in the end it's up to me. I just don't know how.
When I figured out a pace, I looked at the bass clef and then at the treble clef and I realized there was no figured bass, no "one-line" melody, nothing. It was completely chordal. The time signature was 2/2 and instead of the bass holding some 1-4-5 pattern or something, it stayed chordal with the right hand so that both hands were playing different notes/chords on EVERY eighth note.
My hands were shaking the whole time and I missed half of the f#'s because I was busy trying to find three or four other notes.
Of course it goes without saying that I didn't pass. I made it to the bathroom before I broke down in tears and it took me about 10 minutes to pull it together enough to come out again.
That proficiency test was humiliating and embarrassing. The worst part is that it's my fault. My professors can only try to make me play better, but in the end it's up to me. I just don't know how.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
week before finals... in college
I find it extremely annoying that in the last week of classes--when I am supposed to be buckling down and focusing on school work, choir and important things-- so many of my friends are playing the "attention whore" game. I don't have time for this. The worst part? I'm the bad guy for doing what I'm supposed to be doing... oh, and for pointing it out on this blog probably...
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Food Stamps... in College
This is an open letter to all you cashiers,
Please don't look at me like that. I'm sorry that I'm poor. I've been paying into the system since I was 14 though, so I don't feel so bad that I need food stamps while I'm back in school for a few years.
Now here's the deal. I see the look you give me when I buy something sweet, like Reeses Peanut Butter Cups or GF cheesecake, but you know what? I need a treat once in awhile, and seeing as I'll never be able to eat my favorite food ever again, I don't want to have to feel bad when you swipe my card.
Imagine not being able to eat Subway or bread--real bread--ever again.
So take it and shove it cashiers.
Your favorite gluten free broke customer, LK
Please don't look at me like that. I'm sorry that I'm poor. I've been paying into the system since I was 14 though, so I don't feel so bad that I need food stamps while I'm back in school for a few years.
Now here's the deal. I see the look you give me when I buy something sweet, like Reeses Peanut Butter Cups or GF cheesecake, but you know what? I need a treat once in awhile, and seeing as I'll never be able to eat my favorite food ever again, I don't want to have to feel bad when you swipe my card.
Imagine not being able to eat Subway or bread--real bread--ever again.
So take it and shove it cashiers.
Your favorite gluten free broke customer, LK
Thursday, October 14, 2010
A Tribute to Yarbs... and Beethoven
OK, I finally uploaded the video correctly. This is the video from sophomore theory a couple weeks ago. Go ahead and skip through the first minute of the video and then let it run so you don't miss Wyatt's amazing entrance. Hope you all enjoy!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Craziest Dream Ever
I had a dream... about three years ago or so, and I still can't forget it. I was at Shoreview Water Park up in Shoreview, MN. (For those of you not familiar with the place, it's massive. It has waterslides, separate sections, and all of the usual fancy gadgets and toys like the giant mushrooms that have water spilling out of them, "lily pads" that you can try to walk across, a basketball hoop, hot tub, sauna, etc...)
In the dream, I walked into the water park and stood frozen. I saw a friendly T-Rex laying on its side next to the pool and splashing water at some of the kids. The T-Rex looked like a cross between Puff the Magic Dragon and the T-Rex from Toy Story. He was laughing, well, in a deep dinosaur grunting kind of way...
I jumped into the pool and started splashing around myself, just trying to have a good time, but every once in awhile, I would glance around nervously to make sure the dinosaur was still in the same spot and still playing with the other kids. As the hours wore on, I gradually made my way closer to the dinosaur because I wanted to attempt crossing the "lily pads" that were floating there. The dinosaur splashed water on me, and I laughed just like all of the other kids did, but secretly I was still very nervous to be around him. After the "lily pads", I started playing water basketball with a group of kids that were closer to my age. We were having a great time until we heard a little boy crying. I looked to where I thought the boy would be, but all of a sudden I heard a ferocious roar from behind me. The dinosaur was on two feet and his nose was in the air, like he could smell something. All of the kids in and around the pool were now screaming and kicking, trying to get out as fast as they could. Finally, I noticed the boy that had screamed. He was standing frozen in shock, dripping blood. He had cut himself somehow and for some reason wasn't moving. I glanced back at the dinosaur. He was staring straight at the little boy. I watched in awe as the dinosaur ran towards the boy, grabbed him with his powerful jaws, and ripped the boy in half. I stared in disbelief at what was happening. Then, like a bolt of lightning, I jumped out of the pool and ran towards the Emergency Exit, out into the bright sunlight.
Everything went bright.
I opened my eyes, and I was back at the water park. It wasn't quite like a "Groundhog Day" because I noticed that there were different people in and around the pool. I stood confused for a moment, but slowly made my way to the opposite side of the pool from the dinosaur--who was in the same spot, splashing water and having a good time. I jumped in cautiously, and saw a boy that I had played basketball with before and made my way towards him. I asked if what I saw before really happened, and he responded "yes." He went on to explain that the dinosaur had a keen smell for blood, and whenever he smelled it, he turned into a crazed animal and would start attacking people left and right. He said that day after day, the whole thing just started over again, and ended in the same bloody mess.
So on it went, just as he said it would. Someone would trip, or cut themselves, and the dinosaur would attack. Eventually I got used to it, and I wasn't as afraid to be around the dinosaur because I figured I could always get away fast enough.
One day, I decided to play in the area by the dinosaur, and I wanted to jump into the pool doing a cannonball--except that I slipped and fell on the hard concrete before I ever made it into the pool. The wind was knocked out of me and I couldn't move, but I saw something red on the ground next to me. I thought to myself "oh shit, I'm bleeding... just great." Then time sped up, literally. I was running for my life, the dinosaur was chasing me around the pool, and then chasing me through hallways, until finally I found myself at a dead end in some weird old room. Then time reversed, and everything was slower than normal. Before I realized what had happened, two guys appeared at my side--one holding a sword, and the other a watch. The guy with the sword claimed to be a prince and said he would slay the dinosaur if I chose to go with him. The other guy with the watch claimed to be able to stop time long enough for me to escape if I chose to go with him. I saw the dinosaur approaching from the hallway, and then I glanced at each of the guys. Both were extremely attractive, and just as I was about to make a decision, I woke up.
The End?
In the dream, I walked into the water park and stood frozen. I saw a friendly T-Rex laying on its side next to the pool and splashing water at some of the kids. The T-Rex looked like a cross between Puff the Magic Dragon and the T-Rex from Toy Story. He was laughing, well, in a deep dinosaur grunting kind of way...
I jumped into the pool and started splashing around myself, just trying to have a good time, but every once in awhile, I would glance around nervously to make sure the dinosaur was still in the same spot and still playing with the other kids. As the hours wore on, I gradually made my way closer to the dinosaur because I wanted to attempt crossing the "lily pads" that were floating there. The dinosaur splashed water on me, and I laughed just like all of the other kids did, but secretly I was still very nervous to be around him. After the "lily pads", I started playing water basketball with a group of kids that were closer to my age. We were having a great time until we heard a little boy crying. I looked to where I thought the boy would be, but all of a sudden I heard a ferocious roar from behind me. The dinosaur was on two feet and his nose was in the air, like he could smell something. All of the kids in and around the pool were now screaming and kicking, trying to get out as fast as they could. Finally, I noticed the boy that had screamed. He was standing frozen in shock, dripping blood. He had cut himself somehow and for some reason wasn't moving. I glanced back at the dinosaur. He was staring straight at the little boy. I watched in awe as the dinosaur ran towards the boy, grabbed him with his powerful jaws, and ripped the boy in half. I stared in disbelief at what was happening. Then, like a bolt of lightning, I jumped out of the pool and ran towards the Emergency Exit, out into the bright sunlight.
Everything went bright.
I opened my eyes, and I was back at the water park. It wasn't quite like a "Groundhog Day" because I noticed that there were different people in and around the pool. I stood confused for a moment, but slowly made my way to the opposite side of the pool from the dinosaur--who was in the same spot, splashing water and having a good time. I jumped in cautiously, and saw a boy that I had played basketball with before and made my way towards him. I asked if what I saw before really happened, and he responded "yes." He went on to explain that the dinosaur had a keen smell for blood, and whenever he smelled it, he turned into a crazed animal and would start attacking people left and right. He said that day after day, the whole thing just started over again, and ended in the same bloody mess.
So on it went, just as he said it would. Someone would trip, or cut themselves, and the dinosaur would attack. Eventually I got used to it, and I wasn't as afraid to be around the dinosaur because I figured I could always get away fast enough.
One day, I decided to play in the area by the dinosaur, and I wanted to jump into the pool doing a cannonball--except that I slipped and fell on the hard concrete before I ever made it into the pool. The wind was knocked out of me and I couldn't move, but I saw something red on the ground next to me. I thought to myself "oh shit, I'm bleeding... just great." Then time sped up, literally. I was running for my life, the dinosaur was chasing me around the pool, and then chasing me through hallways, until finally I found myself at a dead end in some weird old room. Then time reversed, and everything was slower than normal. Before I realized what had happened, two guys appeared at my side--one holding a sword, and the other a watch. The guy with the sword claimed to be a prince and said he would slay the dinosaur if I chose to go with him. The other guy with the watch claimed to be able to stop time long enough for me to escape if I chose to go with him. I saw the dinosaur approaching from the hallway, and then I glanced at each of the guys. Both were extremely attractive, and just as I was about to make a decision, I woke up.
The End?
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Tired Panda... in College
I don't think this changes anything really, except that now I'm a Tired Blogging Panda.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Epic Chamber Football Game and Picnic... in College
impressed with the bass section--every single one of them showed up. Granted, a few of them took the game a little too seriously, but they're boys, so I guess that's to be expected. The Chamber Picnic was also a great success with the majority of Chamber Singers showing up. We ate a lot of food, we killed a lot of mosquitoes, we sang a lot of silly songs, and we enjoyed each others company--a lot. A LOT of good things happened this weekend, even if we were all black and blue and sore on Monday :)  |
| proud altos! |
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Epic Poetry... from College
So, I would like to share a poem that I wrote for Creative Writing last week. I'm kinda proud of it, cause I find it amusing at least. We were told we could use any form, but it had to be about using the metaphor-- "life is like a broken record" or something like that... I'm also a sucker for end rhyme and iams so the whole thing is iambic in nature and follows an AABB format.
so here goes...
Der Tod und Die Musik
Oh won't you play my record dear?
and think of past, don't shed a tear.
The music played dost make me think
of days gone by, I need a drink.
These thoughts, this music, makes me sick
but you my dear are just a dick.
You have no thought for me you jerk,
oh why is it this didn't work?
You left me here alone to die,
alone, with no more tears to cry.
The disc creates a sweet loud scratch,
but like our love, there is no patch.
I guess that when our love must end,
and when the music dost offend,
then to the dumpster it must go,
this broken record, love--my foe.
After writing this poem, I sat back and laughed. I wrote an entire poem about something that has never happened to me. I should have titled it "the Lie" but I think I have a thing for German titles :) Anyways, hope you enjoy !
so here goes...
Der Tod und Die Musik
Oh won't you play my record dear?
and think of past, don't shed a tear.
The music played dost make me think
of days gone by, I need a drink.
These thoughts, this music, makes me sick
but you my dear are just a dick.
You have no thought for me you jerk,
oh why is it this didn't work?
You left me here alone to die,
alone, with no more tears to cry.
The disc creates a sweet loud scratch,
but like our love, there is no patch.
I guess that when our love must end,
and when the music dost offend,
then to the dumpster it must go,
this broken record, love--my foe.
After writing this poem, I sat back and laughed. I wrote an entire poem about something that has never happened to me. I should have titled it "the Lie" but I think I have a thing for German titles :) Anyways, hope you enjoy !
Monday, August 30, 2010
How to Fail Early in College...
Excited for school, to see everyone, to sing again, to see everyone, to look at cute boys on campus, to see everyone... well, you get the general idea.
How I fail? spending refund money on items for school that aren't exactly essential, not knowing how I'm gonna make time to practice--and that's before school has even started, setting up my xbox when I know I shouldn't, spending at least a half an hour every day playing bejeweled blitz, watching movie after movie, drinking again-even in small quantities-I still feel bad, and blogging about all of this!
OK, to be fair, I've had some Bailey's tonight, and I just need to go to sleep. NOW.
The End. Goodnight Neverland.
How I fail? spending refund money on items for school that aren't exactly essential, not knowing how I'm gonna make time to practice--and that's before school has even started, setting up my xbox when I know I shouldn't, spending at least a half an hour every day playing bejeweled blitz, watching movie after movie, drinking again-even in small quantities-I still feel bad, and blogging about all of this!
OK, to be fair, I've had some Bailey's tonight, and I just need to go to sleep. NOW.
The End. Goodnight Neverland.
Friday, August 13, 2010
One Day
Well, as everyone knew, I was eagerly anticipating Tuesday this week because of our ValleyFair trip. I had been looking forward to it for about three weeks. It was nice to get out of this town, even for one day. It made all the difference in the world. It was my one day vacation and I needed it--badly. Of course I envisioned the entire day going smoothly, but something quite different occurred.
First there was the monsoon that we drove through to get to Sioux Falls. Then we suffered through Kayla's driving to the Twin Cities. During the insane driving, there was a brief respite in rain, a quick nap, a brief decision to cancel ValleyFair for the morning because of the grotesque thunderstorm, and then a unexpected trip to MOA. Once there, I finally got my Chipotle that I've been craving since January. After that, we finally made it to ValleyFair where I went adrenaline crazy. If my feet wouldn't have hurt so much, I might have asked the gang to leave me there and pick me up in a couple of days. We stopped at Applebee's on the way home where some of the best jokes came out. My favorite being the one with Hitler and Barbie. I fell asleep for most of the drive home, but we had a lovely conversation about "Life is like..." and I'm very sad that I missed out on Kayla talking to her car "Milton" and Chris acting out the voice of the car. I will admit I was a little freaked out when Kayla and Chris saw a UFO on the way home--twice. That made for an interesting conversation on the ride from Sioux Falls back to Verm.
We drove again through rain and thunder and lightning and bugs and puddles that swallowed us whole. We survived Power Tower, Wild Thing, Steel Venom, Renegade, Thunder Canyon, and the $5 Family Dryer. It will be a day to remember and to certainly to talk about next year.
Once allWild Thing!!! said and done, I still say Kevin and Ashley owe me about $50 for all the snogging they did on the trip though ;)
First there was the monsoon that we drove through to get to Sioux Falls. Then we suffered through Kayla's driving to the Twin Cities. During the insane driving, there was a brief respite in rain, a quick nap, a brief decision to cancel ValleyFair for the morning because of the grotesque thunderstorm, and then a unexpected trip to MOA. Once there, I finally got my Chipotle that I've been craving since January. After that, we finally made it to ValleyFair where I went adrenaline crazy. If my feet wouldn't have hurt so much, I might have asked the gang to leave me there and pick me up in a couple of days. We stopped at Applebee's on the way home where some of the best jokes came out. My favorite being the one with Hitler and Barbie. I fell asleep for most of the drive home, but we had a lovely conversation about "Life is like..." and I'm very sad that I missed out on Kayla talking to her car "Milton" and Chris acting out the voice of the car. I will admit I was a little freaked out when Kayla and Chris saw a UFO on the way home--twice. That made for an interesting conversation on the ride from Sioux Falls back to Verm.
We drove again through rain and thunder and lightning and bugs and puddles that swallowed us whole. We survived Power Tower, Wild Thing, Steel Venom, Renegade, Thunder Canyon, and the $5 Family Dryer. It will be a day to remember and to certainly to talk about next year.
Once allWild Thing!!! said and done, I still say Kevin and Ashley owe me about $50 for all the snogging they did on the trip though ;)
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
another USD scam...
So, I'm moving back into McFadden in August for the third full year. I'm excited because Ashley will be one of my new roommates, and whether we kill each other or not while living together, it will be nice to live with a friend that I already know. However, USD being USD, has decided to make my life miserable with paperwork and appointments up the wazoo.
When I first received my bill for the fall semester this year, it showed a $695 deduction for a meal plan. This is the first time that USD has tried to charge me for a meal plan since I'm a non-trad upperclassman. Kirsten Compary (former VP of Student Services), warned me that it might happen last spring, but said it would be a breeze to get out of it, and to talk to her. Well, she's gone. So I talked to several housing people and they all agreed that I can try and go through the appeals process. This includes crappy paperwork, doctor's notes and sitting before a committee 2-4 weeks AFTER school starts. When I went to download the appeals form, I started reading the requirements and I noticed this--
So, we'll see how the appeals process goes. I can't believe they expect me to eat $700 worth of tacos morning noon and night!
When I first received my bill for the fall semester this year, it showed a $695 deduction for a meal plan. This is the first time that USD has tried to charge me for a meal plan since I'm a non-trad upperclassman. Kirsten Compary (former VP of Student Services), warned me that it might happen last spring, but said it would be a breeze to get out of it, and to talk to her. Well, she's gone. So I talked to several housing people and they all agreed that I can try and go through the appeals process. This includes crappy paperwork, doctor's notes and sitting before a committee 2-4 weeks AFTER school starts. When I went to download the appeals form, I started reading the requirements and I noticed this--
Appeals Not Granted For:
- The building in which a student lives.
- Personal convenience (i.e. money can be saved by purchasing groceries).
- Vegetarian/vegan and gluten-free options. Students and family members are encouraged to talk with USD Dining Services Executive Chef to discuss their individual nutritional needs and learn about the food options available through all of the Dining Services locations. A meeting can be arranged by calling 677-5334.
- Scholarship status. Community Advisors and Athletes on certain scholarships will not be considered for reduced or exempt meal plans.
So, we'll see how the appeals process goes. I can't believe they expect me to eat $700 worth of tacos morning noon and night!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
The Guilt Complex gone Kusch-style
The guilt complex, my friends, is something that I have always been tortured by. Though at the same time, I feel like it has kept me out of lots of trouble too.
It seems that my own guilt complex has altered itself though in the last couple years, and I can't make sense of it.
Chris always tells me that I apologize too much, but I don't think I can help it. I always feel like everything is my fault, or like I'm the cause of everyone's inconvenience. I'm not upset about this, cause I don't think it really hurts anyone, but I don't understand it.
Here's an example that someone brought up a couple weeks ago.
--All of my friends know or at some point knew that I can't eat gluten. I've had to explain to everyone what it is, what it does, show them the rash on my hand that acts up when I eat it, etc, etc, etc. I don't mind sharing that with people, but I feel like I inconvenience them by it. I try not to mention it if food isn't brought up, and it usually comes up by someone talking about pizza or something, and I'll say something to the effect of "ooo, I wish I could eat that" or something like that.
The part where this gets distressing is when people invite me out to eat---at a place where I know I can't eat anything. It works out fine if I already ate or if I'm not hungry and I can just get a drink, but 98% of the time, it's during a meal time when I actually need to eat. This whole blog could probably go into another blog about how I can't say no, but I'll leave that for now.
I feel bad that when people invite me out, I have to put a stipulation on where we go. That doesn't seem fair to me. I tried to do the whole "stick it out" kind of thing during the school year and I went to Pizza Hut with Chamber Singers a couple times for lunch...but... 1) That doesn't exactly leave me anytime to eat when I get back since I have a 1pm class, 2) Technically I could scarf down some salad at the salad bar, but it tastes like shit, and cost $5.99 or something like that for crappy lettuce and horrible toppings...3) I can't even begin to describe how hard it is to sit and sip on a root beer or coke and watch everyone around me eat one of the primary foods that I miss most, not to mention the wonderful aroma of pizza surrounding me! I wanna cry, but I don't want to look weak. I want to leave, but that would look bad too. I want to complain, but then people are like "oh, well that sucks..."-- and whether they mean it or not, I don't want people feeling bad for me. That just makes me feel even guiltier.
Well, I don't know where that leaves me. I don't feel resolved about anything, but at least I got it out of my system, right?
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
The Vermillion Effect
I have a problem. It's called attachment. I get easily attached to people, places, and things.
As far as the 'things' go, my attachment fairly temporary. It's kinda like a fad. I'll go after something (fairly) new, and I'll use it non-stop. So far it has happened with new movies, Ipod, X-Box, Facebook, computer, and other things.
Attachment to places is bad too. I got attached to my churches up in the Twin Cities, to my pharmacies north of the Cities, and now to USD. I think it's the people in these places though that makes them attachable.
People attachments are the worst. It takes me forever to get over those--and by forever, I mean it doesn't happen. I would give a lot to be able to forget about some people in my past. This type of attachment haunts me in my dreams and in real life. I still have a hard time going home to the Twin Cities, and running into people that made my life a living hell when I was there. Really, that only includes people from my senior year of high school and Holy Childhood people. It's not just the people that I despise because of what happened either-- when I see people that were involved in any way to those two horrible events in my life, memories come pouring back in, and I feel depressed. Depressed--this from the happy-go-lucky girl.
Even when I went up to Jake's wedding last weekend, there was still a sense of sadness because of the past. At the reception, I happened to sit with three families from HC, each of whom played a role in the whole HC crisis. We mentioned HC a few times, but none of us were eager to talk about it. Then we changed the subject, due to the hardened and sad look on all of our faces. If there was a good thing about that, it's that I wasn't the only one who was still sad about everything that happened.
Regardless of all the attachment issues, I still treasure all of the wonderful memories that I have from the past. I only wish they could be seperated from the horrors.
As far as the 'things' go, my attachment fairly temporary. It's kinda like a fad. I'll go after something (fairly) new, and I'll use it non-stop. So far it has happened with new movies, Ipod, X-Box, Facebook, computer, and other things.
Attachment to places is bad too. I got attached to my churches up in the Twin Cities, to my pharmacies north of the Cities, and now to USD. I think it's the people in these places though that makes them attachable.
People attachments are the worst. It takes me forever to get over those--and by forever, I mean it doesn't happen. I would give a lot to be able to forget about some people in my past. This type of attachment haunts me in my dreams and in real life. I still have a hard time going home to the Twin Cities, and running into people that made my life a living hell when I was there. Really, that only includes people from my senior year of high school and Holy Childhood people. It's not just the people that I despise because of what happened either-- when I see people that were involved in any way to those two horrible events in my life, memories come pouring back in, and I feel depressed. Depressed--this from the happy-go-lucky girl.
Even when I went up to Jake's wedding last weekend, there was still a sense of sadness because of the past. At the reception, I happened to sit with three families from HC, each of whom played a role in the whole HC crisis. We mentioned HC a few times, but none of us were eager to talk about it. Then we changed the subject, due to the hardened and sad look on all of our faces. If there was a good thing about that, it's that I wasn't the only one who was still sad about everything that happened.
Regardless of all the attachment issues, I still treasure all of the wonderful memories that I have from the past. I only wish they could be seperated from the horrors.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
The Pains and Joys of Living with Boys
All my life, I have lived with either my family, or in a dorm/apt with girls. This is the first time that I've lived with two guys, neither of whom I am dating. I loved it for the most part, especially since for some reason, I always feel safer around guys.
I thought that the hardest part would be the schedule differences between us. Kevin works from 7-3 usually, I work from 4pm-9pm, and Chris works overnights. That has actually worked out alright for all of us I think. We haven't had any problems regarding that.
Pains-
1) Dishes don't get done as often as I'm used to, but part of that is my fault as well
2) The boys never shut up about their girlfriends. EVER
3) Kevin doesn't know how to put the seat down and loves to slam doors shut
I guess that wasn't as long of a pains list as I thought, lol.
Joys-
1) Kevin likes mowing the lawn
2) I have two boys to kill bugs and spiders for me :)
3) I live with two gamers
4) Chris and I are both Bing Crosby fans
5) If I can't reach something or lift something, I have two guys to ask
6) Both guys happen to hate how gluten free food tastes... hence, no stealing :)
Regardless of the joys and pains though, I love my boys. They are both good guys and I've enjoyed living in the house over the summer--so much so, that I want to move into Tim's room when he moves out :)
I thought that the hardest part would be the schedule differences between us. Kevin works from 7-3 usually, I work from 4pm-9pm, and Chris works overnights. That has actually worked out alright for all of us I think. We haven't had any problems regarding that.
Pains-
1) Dishes don't get done as often as I'm used to, but part of that is my fault as well
2) The boys never shut up about their girlfriends. EVER
3) Kevin doesn't know how to put the seat down and loves to slam doors shut
I guess that wasn't as long of a pains list as I thought, lol.
Joys-
1) Kevin likes mowing the lawn
2) I have two boys to kill bugs and spiders for me :)
3) I live with two gamers
4) Chris and I are both Bing Crosby fans
5) If I can't reach something or lift something, I have two guys to ask
6) Both guys happen to hate how gluten free food tastes... hence, no stealing :)
Regardless of the joys and pains though, I love my boys. They are both good guys and I've enjoyed living in the house over the summer--so much so, that I want to move into Tim's room when he moves out :)
Thursday, July 22, 2010
The Official Music Camp Rant...
First and foremost, music camp was a blast. I was on my own this year as far as running things behind the scenes without D!, and I survived . Also, a huge thank you to Mike Bossman for being one of the coolest coworkers I have ever had the pleasure of working with. His humor was one of the main reasons I made it through the week without getting terribly crabby. Also, I will never forget the rap that Bossman and I left on Holdhusen's voice mail. The other reason I survived music camp and especially Sunday night was due to my awesome volunteers--Amanda and Andrew. Both Holdhusen and I noticed that when everyone else went to bed and left the FA, it was Andrew and Amanda who stayed behind and helped us till 1 am when we finally finished at the FA. They even stuck with me after that while I had to bring everything over to the the dorms and only made it out of there around 2am.
Important lessons from camp:
1) never piss off a camp parent, even if it is over something stupid like a chair placement in the secondary jazz group...
2) always keep a full stock of food and pop for the counselors, and you better make that 'real' pop, cause the RC Cola was not appreciated...
3) (for me) buy one of those special hearing aid thingys you see on tv that allows you to pick up on conversations better, so that when Holdhusen calls and asks you to do something quickly, you don't have to ask "what?!" three times....
4) (also for me) don't play with the sousaphones on Thursday night knowing full well you will never make it out of bed early enough Friday to play them and wake up the kids
5) don't eat the gluten free bread served at the Commons... I thought it just tasted bland and like crumbly something or another, but according to Dave Earll, it tastes like sawdust.
The rest is just pure rant.
1) I love my counselors, but.... when four counselors are sitting in Knutson and just chilling and I'm setting up gear and I need someone to go close the doors so that parents will stop coming in, and I ask if someone will do it, it would be really nice if someone would just stand the heck up and do it, instead of me standing there awkwardly staring.
2) I love music camp parents, but.... when you and your child come up to me at the question table, and you let your child yell at me for their own mistakes on their applications, that is not cool. It is not my fault that your kid signed up for every ensemble offered and therefore has no time for electives and musical activities.
3) I love music camp kids, especially vocalists, but.... I have been dealing with my share of divas in the last couple years and I have no desire to see more in the making. To 'Diva' as we so aptly named her last week, you need to grow up and realize that the world does not spin around you, and neither does music camp. No, I will not go out of my way to schedule your "extra" voice lessons during World Drumming because "it wasn't fun when I took drumming at this other music camp last year..." and no, I will not pull you out of show choir just because " the pop music they chose gave me a migraine..." I feel horrible that Dr. G had to put up with you for four voice lessons! Oh, and just so you know for future cases, coming into the office and having a full fledged meltdown in front of me and all of the counselors is not the way to win people over. It only gives us something else to laugh at after you leave the office.
4)
Important lessons from camp:
1) never piss off a camp parent, even if it is over something stupid like a chair placement in the secondary jazz group...
2) always keep a full stock of food and pop for the counselors, and you better make that 'real' pop, cause the RC Cola was not appreciated...
3) (for me) buy one of those special hearing aid thingys you see on tv that allows you to pick up on conversations better, so that when Holdhusen calls and asks you to do something quickly, you don't have to ask "what?!" three times....
4) (also for me) don't play with the sousaphones on Thursday night knowing full well you will never make it out of bed early enough Friday to play them and wake up the kids
5) don't eat the gluten free bread served at the Commons... I thought it just tasted bland and like crumbly something or another, but according to Dave Earll, it tastes like sawdust.
The rest is just pure rant.
1) I love my counselors, but.... when four counselors are sitting in Knutson and just chilling and I'm setting up gear and I need someone to go close the doors so that parents will stop coming in, and I ask if someone will do it, it would be really nice if someone would just stand the heck up and do it, instead of me standing there awkwardly staring.
2) I love music camp parents, but.... when you and your child come up to me at the question table, and you let your child yell at me for their own mistakes on their applications, that is not cool. It is not my fault that your kid signed up for every ensemble offered and therefore has no time for electives and musical activities.
3) I love music camp kids, especially vocalists, but.... I have been dealing with my share of divas in the last couple years and I have no desire to see more in the making. To 'Diva' as we so aptly named her last week, you need to grow up and realize that the world does not spin around you, and neither does music camp. No, I will not go out of my way to schedule your "extra" voice lessons during World Drumming because "it wasn't fun when I took drumming at this other music camp last year..." and no, I will not pull you out of show choir just because " the pop music they chose gave me a migraine..." I feel horrible that Dr. G had to put up with you for four voice lessons! Oh, and just so you know for future cases, coming into the office and having a full fledged meltdown in front of me and all of the counselors is not the way to win people over. It only gives us something else to laugh at after you leave the office.
4)
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Why I Failed the First Time
Other than the fact that my post is a total TWSS, I thought it was about time I explain the title and subtitle of my blog.
I went to college directly after high school, just like most people are doing these days, and I was all excited about starting something new and being part of something different. I wanted to learn. I wanted to sing with an amazing director and choir. I wanted a new start. Perhaps part of the problem was that I didn't go far enough away from home... but I digress.
I lasted two years. At the beginning of every semester I was fine. I studied.. kind of, I did my homework... for the most part, I sang my heart out in choir and I showed up to class. Not even halfway through every semester, I started ditching classes, ignoring homework, and forgot about studying. I couldn't wake up in the morning, and would lie lethargically on my couch/bed and stare at the TV for hours and hours. I didn't take care of myself, my room was disgustingly messy, I made up excuses for myself and I almost gave up completely. I should have known that something was terribly wrong when I couldn't even get up to go to choir, my true love. I left my first college with a GPA of 1.8.
I found out three years after I dropped out of college that I had Lyme disease. By the way, it's Lyme not Lymes.. just fyi. I also found out I was allergic to gluten (wheat). Gluten is nothing compared to Lyme though. Lyme almost killed my mother, on more than one occasion, it made one sister so sick she had to do homeschooling, it made the other sister so sick that her boyfriend couldn't even deal with her and dumped her because of it, and it just pissed me off royally. When I found out I had it, my first fear was the fear of having to swallow pills and possibly to have a PIC or central line put in. #1. I don't do pills. I HATE pills. (I work in a pharmacy btw, which isn't ironic at all.) #2. I don't think I could take care of myself sufficiently if I had a PIC line put into my body whether it be in my chest or in my arm. That's just scary. My second thought when I found out I had Lyme was "Oh, well that explains a lot..." My doctor explained that I had probably had Lyme for the better of five to seven years. She also explained that I had a co-infection called Babesia which acts like Malaria, which explained a lot of the constant fatigue. She said that being allergic to gluten and not knowing it made it worse. Eating gluten also added to the fatigue.
After going on meds for the better half of a year, I noticed a great improvement in energy and overall feeling. I couldn't remember the last time I had that much energy. I lost close to 30 pounds when I was on meds and since I wasn't eating gluten anymore, it stayed off.
Luckily for me, I met a nice lady through the Lyme disease support group in our area and I was feeling so much better that she actually helped me get back to college. I owe her a lot.
I am now back in college for a second time, and much farther away from home :)
I met a whole new group of friends, who are amazing I might add, and I feel like I can truly be myself down here. I'm actually succeeding at college now and have managed to pull my overall GPA over 3.1 which is awesome!
That was probably too much information for one post, but whatevs, it's my blog... right?
Have a wonderful morning people, and remember that life is good :)
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
A 5 year old and a 50 year old in a 26 year old body
It's occurred to me over the last year that I'm not one person, and I don't know that I ever have been. My mind wanders from day to day on trivial things that shouldn't matter, but many times at night my mind reflects on the day and/or days gone by and I have this longing to be spiritual and long for peace in my heart. By the time morning comes, I've forgotten most everything from the day before, and every day starts a new cycle. I've gotten used to is I suppose, but it seems somewhat disturbing when I actually think about it.
I'm fairly certain that the trivial worries are the 5 year old in me. I'm always worried about the little things, whether it be at home, school or work. I dread going to work sometimes just because of the possibility that my boss won't be in a good mood that day. I dread going to school sometimes, especially if I skipped a day of school. And why did I skip a day of school you might ask? -because the 5 year old in me wanted to sleep in, or didn't wake up to the six or seven alarms that I have set, or just said "screw you, I don't want to go to school today!" At the same time, the 5 year old wants to have fun and loves being around people all the time and staying up late and playing games and doing whatever she wants to. This has to be the fun part of me--if indeed there is a fun part. The 5 year old laughs at all the jokes, plays video games, sits on facebook for long periods of time, collects movies, hates waking up in the morning, and falls asleep on the couch every night cause she hates her bed. The 5 year old also hates cleaning anything and procrastinates on everything and anything possible.
Now on the other side--the 50 year old needs her alone time. She likes to go to the chapel once in awhile to meditate and crys during movies. She loves tradition and can't stand change of any sort. The 50 year old gets annoyed with people in general, especially when they don't pay attention to something important. The 50 year old also hates taking care of drunk people because she finds most of them obnoxious. She is also very sentimental and holds on to documents, programs, pictures and newspaper clippings that mean a lot at the time. This of course means that the fifty year old is a pack rat. The only thing the 5 and 50 year old have in common is that they HATE getting up in the morning. The 50 year old is simply too tired to get out of bed and it hurts to move sometimes. (and yes, I realize this only gets worse as time goes on) At least the 50 year old knows that she has to get out of bed at some point to get stuff done.
Sometimes the 5 year old and 50 year old work together though, like when I compose. The 5 year old is the ridiculously creative one and the 50 year old pulls all of that creativity together and puts it on paper (or just into Sibelius). The 5 year old is the one that goes out and meets people, makes friends, has fun with them, spends money like a true Bohemian and the 50 year old is the one that takes care of her friends, pays for some of her friends who don't have any money when they go out to eat, and worries about the bills when they come. The 5 year old bought the Ipod to listen to music and play games, while the 50 year old bought the Ipod to listen to music and buy applications that would help keep her life in order, especially with the horrible memory skills.
Besides the fact that I'm not quite as bad as Robert Schumann--yet, the real question is-- how does the 26 year old deal with all of this?!
I'm fairly certain that the trivial worries are the 5 year old in me. I'm always worried about the little things, whether it be at home, school or work. I dread going to work sometimes just because of the possibility that my boss won't be in a good mood that day. I dread going to school sometimes, especially if I skipped a day of school. And why did I skip a day of school you might ask? -because the 5 year old in me wanted to sleep in, or didn't wake up to the six or seven alarms that I have set, or just said "screw you, I don't want to go to school today!" At the same time, the 5 year old wants to have fun and loves being around people all the time and staying up late and playing games and doing whatever she wants to. This has to be the fun part of me--if indeed there is a fun part. The 5 year old laughs at all the jokes, plays video games, sits on facebook for long periods of time, collects movies, hates waking up in the morning, and falls asleep on the couch every night cause she hates her bed. The 5 year old also hates cleaning anything and procrastinates on everything and anything possible.
Now on the other side--the 50 year old needs her alone time. She likes to go to the chapel once in awhile to meditate and crys during movies. She loves tradition and can't stand change of any sort. The 50 year old gets annoyed with people in general, especially when they don't pay attention to something important. The 50 year old also hates taking care of drunk people because she finds most of them obnoxious. She is also very sentimental and holds on to documents, programs, pictures and newspaper clippings that mean a lot at the time. This of course means that the fifty year old is a pack rat. The only thing the 5 and 50 year old have in common is that they HATE getting up in the morning. The 50 year old is simply too tired to get out of bed and it hurts to move sometimes. (and yes, I realize this only gets worse as time goes on) At least the 50 year old knows that she has to get out of bed at some point to get stuff done.
Sometimes the 5 year old and 50 year old work together though, like when I compose. The 5 year old is the ridiculously creative one and the 50 year old pulls all of that creativity together and puts it on paper (or just into Sibelius). The 5 year old is the one that goes out and meets people, makes friends, has fun with them, spends money like a true Bohemian and the 50 year old is the one that takes care of her friends, pays for some of her friends who don't have any money when they go out to eat, and worries about the bills when they come. The 5 year old bought the Ipod to listen to music and play games, while the 50 year old bought the Ipod to listen to music and buy applications that would help keep her life in order, especially with the horrible memory skills.
Besides the fact that I'm not quite as bad as Robert Schumann--yet, the real question is-- how does the 26 year old deal with all of this?!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
How to Make a Friend
People all make friends in different ways, and mostly without thinking about it. There are several techniques used when making a friend, but once again most people don't think about that aspect.
I've debated with my friends about this on several occasions because of how opposite we work in this department. One of my best friends explained to me the process someone has to go through in order to get to the "friend" status.
#1 person must have strong and dynamic personality
#2 person has to be able to hold their own in a group setting
#3 person must prove themselves (which apparently is determined by my friend)
After hearing this, my jaw had to be removed from the floor. I was appalled! My friend explained to me that this was his method of not getting hurt in the long run and not having to deal with "fair weather" friends.
I thought about it for awhile and figured out my own technique to making a friend :
#1 approach stranger by myself or through friend and say "hi" and carry on conversation
(optional)#2 look up on facebook and "friend" them
#3 hang out with them in large or small group setting
#4 be friends?
I'm fairly certain that I consider someone a friend after step #1.
It was just weird to hear that people actually think about how they make friends, instead of worrying why they need a specific process to abide by to make a friend in the first place.
I've debated with my friends about this on several occasions because of how opposite we work in this department. One of my best friends explained to me the process someone has to go through in order to get to the "friend" status.
#1 person must have strong and dynamic personality
#2 person has to be able to hold their own in a group setting
#3 person must prove themselves (which apparently is determined by my friend)
After hearing this, my jaw had to be removed from the floor. I was appalled! My friend explained to me that this was his method of not getting hurt in the long run and not having to deal with "fair weather" friends.
I thought about it for awhile and figured out my own technique to making a friend :
#1 approach stranger by myself or through friend and say "hi" and carry on conversation
(optional)#2 look up on facebook and "friend" them
#3 hang out with them in large or small group setting
#4 be friends?
I'm fairly certain that I consider someone a friend after step #1.
It was just weird to hear that people actually think about how they make friends, instead of worrying why they need a specific process to abide by to make a friend in the first place.
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